boy oh boy oh boy

Yesterday was the big ultrasound. I woke up a nervous wreck. This pregnancy has been so different than the first two but since everyone is different I didn't want to let myself think that there was going to be something different inside as well :) The night before Micah told me that he wanted two little brothers and when I asked him if it would be ok if it was a little sister he said, "It'll be fine whatever it is." What a good answer ;)

My appointment was at 9 in the morning so we didn't have to wait long. We all went in she got me gooped up and about 15 seconds later asked if we were ready to know.....NO!....YES!...ok go ahead. It's another little boy! Whether he realizes it or not Zach's face lit up knowing he'd made another little man, Micah responded "that's what I wanted" with a big grin and Connor was too busy trying to climb on everything in the room to notice anything else. I would love to say that I was immediately overjoyed at the thought but I can't lie. I was a little sad. My heart wanted a little girl and not just because I already have two boys (my boys are awesome!) but because I wanted to experience that part of being a mother as well. I would also love to say that I didn't cry (because I really didn't want to) but during the appointment when the nurse asked if it was a girl and I responded no the tears just started. She was so sweet and gave me a big hug and I felt like well atleast she doesn't think I'm an awful person.

I'm putting aside those daughter thoughts for now because whether or not it's what I thought I don't want to miss out on any of the joy from this sweet baby boy. I pray that he will be as close to his brothers as the first two already are together, that he will bring a different part to our family that we don't know we need, and that he GOD WILLING has gorgeous dark hair like his daddy.