Monday, August 25, 2014

things they say

C while watching fievel goes West: wait,  that is a house?  A teapot is a house?


L: mommy I not a big boy I little I can't be a big boy cause I not big


M after Nana said something was tasty:  Everything is tasty because everything has a taste.


L:  After I be a grown up can I drink grown up lemonade (aka the mike's he sees me drink sometimes)

M: Daddy there's a really big spider downstairs
Z: Then go kill it
M: But do you know how big it is!?

M: So what is Pluto called now
Me: ummmm its a dwarf something but I'm not sure.
C: Well why don't you just cask and ask those guys?
Me: What guys?
C: You know the 5,4,3,2,1 guys!

C: Can we get a special drink at the store too?
Me: (totally kidding) No you can never get anything special again!
M: Well we already have something special.
Me: (again totally kidding) Me!?
M: well yeah
Insert me trying not to cry.   Sweet words from my biggest baby!

Deb: Are Micah and Connor your best friends?
L: No they're mean friends cause they put me in jail.

Listening to Micah or Connor convince logan of something in order to maintain the peace.  Much like trying to make sure Bruce Banner doesn't get upset.

L: But I are big to do dat

Connor: High fly ball deep left field and its a Slam Gram!!

L:  Daddy get me some unge (orange) juice.
Z:  Get you some orange juice what?
L:  unge juice (confused)
Z:  Orange juice what?
L:  It's unge juice.  Its unge. (very confused)
Z:  Orange juice what?
L:  It's a DRINK Daddy!!
Z:  But what do you say?
L:  Daddy can you get me some unge juice pwease?

sunday song

Simplicity

I come in simplicity
Longing for purity
To worship You
In spirit and truth
Only You

Lord strip it all away
'Til only You remain
I'm coming back
To my first love
Only You

You're the reason I sing
The reason I sing
Yes my heart will sing
How I love You
And forever I'll sing
Forever I'll sing
Yes my heart will sing
How I love You

I come with my broken song
To You the Perfect One
To worship You
In spirit and truth
Only You
Only You

Give me a childlike heart
Lead me to where You are
Cause I'm coming back
To my first love
Only You

You're the reason I sing
The reason I sing
Yes my heart will sing
How I love You
And forever I'll sing
Forever I'll sing
Yes my heart will sing
How I love You

How I love You
How I love You
How I love You
My first love
How I love You
How I love You
How I love You
My first love

You're the reason I sing
The reason I sing
Yes my heart will sing
How I love You
And forever I'll sing
Forever I'll sing
Yes my heart will sing
How I love You

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

retreat

Last Friday night I took a personal retreat at a bed and breakfast nearby in Madison, GA.  It was something I had been wanting to do for awhile but had been becoming more of a need!  I could just feel myself getting closer and closer to losing it.  Does that make sense to anyone else?  You know when you start to get upset about things that aren't that big of a deal, or when way too often you're having to count to ten before you talk or the idea of getting in a car and driving away for a few hours is a daily occurrence.  This was not at all a reflection against my husband or children or anyone else!  They are wonderful imperfect people and I love immensely.  This was all me!

The point of my getaway wasn't just to runaway and be by myself.  It was to be by myself for the purpose of praying, reading, journaling, resting and most of all listening.  Morning and/or evening study or quiet times are great and needed but in your own home you are distracted by soo much whether it's children, technology, dirty floors, unorganized closets and whatever else glares at you.  

When you go somewhere where there's no one to talk to and nothing else to do but sit it's much easier for your thoughts to come to the surface and for God to reach you in those thoughts.  He's always there but sometimes we're just not allowing ourselves to be available to Him.

This is something Zach and I have said we are going to make a yearly habit for each of us and I would seriously encourage everyone I know to try it just once.  I'll admit, my husband was amazing to find such a place for me to go, but anywhere alone will do as long as it's away from those things that will distract you most.  It also doesn't have to be overnight for those who don't like to be alone at night.  I am one of those people but thankfully my visions of Madison Murderers didn't come true because I woke up safe and sound! 
Seriously think about it and talk about it with someone if you need help finding somewhere to go or getting your babes taken care of.  Just do it! Go sit and listen!  

You will not regret it!











Monday, August 18, 2014

steep hills

Logan has had a lot of bike riding practice lately and a few days ago he wanted to venture down the street on his ride instead of just staying in the cul de sac.  I anticipated just going down our street a little and back but he just kept going and because I was a bit distracted with a conversation I was having on the phone with Zach, I went with him.  

He was having a great time until he decided to go down a big hill in the neighborhood.  By the time he was down he was exhausted and not too happy with me when I told him we had to go back up.  The next 15 minutes consisted of walking, whining, crying, pushing and pep talks.  Finally we made it back up the hill and he hopped back on to peddle for the final push home.  







Sunday, August 17, 2014

Sunday Song

Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Ephesians 5:18-21

"Sing"
The Carpenters

Sing, sing a song
Sing out loud
Sing out strong
Sing of good things not bad
Sing of happy not sad.

Sing, sing a song
Make it simple to last
Your whole life long
Don't worry that it's not
Good enough for anyone
Else to hear
Just sing, sing a song.

Sing, sing a song
Let the world sing along
Sing of love there could be
Sing for you and for me.

Sing, sing a song
Make it simple to last
Your whole life long
Don't worry that it's not

Good enough for anyone
Else to hear
Just sing, sing a song.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

finding normal

A few mornings ago I was with some girl friends from church discussing and hammering out details for a morning bible study that we want to start at our church.  It was a nice morning of conversation and planning and watching our 5 children who were there (4 children were at school) come in and out to distract and talk and just be children.

On my way out, my friend Dara Lynn asked how it was going with just having Logan.  My response was "Good, but I feel like we haven't had a normal week yet."  She responded in kind with her trying to find a new normal for herself as well, since her oldest is in Pre K 5 days a week now.  Suddenly, it seemed to hit both of us at once. What is normal, anyway?

I personally have not been able to get that thought out of my mind since it happened, and I can only assume she thought about it briefly as well, since she happens to be one of the most thoughtful (as in full of thought, though she is also thoughtful) people I know.  

I have pondered and pondered the last few days about normalcy and why it's something we strive for so often.  We have only had 11 days of school so far this year which means 11 days of having to let go of two babies every morning instead of just one.  11 days of getting a proud smile from Connor as he steps out of the car. 11 days of just me and the Logi Bear and each day I have tried to find what our normal will be, and have yet to find one.  Looking back, I can see so much time focused on, and maybe even wasted on, finding this elusive thing. 

 Because, it has been 11 months since the bomb went off in my life causing an intense amount of relearning, refocusing, recommitting and restoring love, hope and faith and taking every day as it comes. It's been over 2 years since Micah started big school, and my mothering of him has had to change to include letting go of the control that was never really mine to begin with.   It's been almost 3 years since we added a third child to our family, and parenting changed from man to man to a zone defense, and an endless analysis of who needs you the most at any given time, because, let's face it, being everything for all of them simultaneously is a goal that will never come to fruition and will always make you feel like a failure because it will never be attained.  Ever.  It's been 10 years since I said I do to the man who my soul loves, and we moved to a new place, to new jobs, to new friends, to a new church in a new state.  And quite frankly, it's been almost 33 years since I entered this earth shaking up someone else's idea of normal life, and you know what?  In this whole time, there have never, ever been two days that are the same.  None of them have been normal in the way our hearts think they want.

In my experience and (take it for what it's worth) opinion, the normal we all think we are searching for includes a few things.  It is predictable, it doesn't catch us off guard, we know what to expect and when to expect it.  It's not harder than other days, it's easy because we know what to do and when to do it.  It doesn't stretch us too much, we are not asked for more of ourselves than we want to give either physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  When it ends, we look back with comfort that we finished our lists, cleaned up our messes, still have smiles on our faces and got to bed with few regrets.  I am learning that in my mind, normal just amounts to everything going the way I want, when I want it, and not taking too much away from me.  Basically, it was just another reminder that I am an incredibly selfish, sinful person.  While it was a needed reminder, the truth of it did not sit well.  My desire had left out the one thing I need most, the gospel.

Recently I met with my pastor, and discussed what I now know was this exact idea of wanting steadiness, and normalcy.  We talked about emotional see saws.  Very technical conversation. ;)  I thought my goal was to get off a see saw of emotion.  I thought I was supposed to be striving for a life of flat, without the intense peaks and valleys that come and go constantly sometimes with little or no warning.  It was an eye opening conversation that has taken me way too long to understand how it pertains to my quest for a normal life, since I am literally just understanding its complete meaning as I am writing this.  I know very little about the medical field but I do know that flat lining is pretty much the worst.  When that happens, buzzers go off and lots of highly trained people move around in a necessary flurry to do all things they've been trained to do to keep that from happening. 

 The peaks and valleys prove that there is life.  That you are alive.  The peaks and valleys are what normal really is.  No two days will be the same.  Ask any mama with an infant, ask any mama with any children, ask any teacher, ask any doctor, ask any missionary, ask anyone in the corporate world, ask any person living on the street, seriously ask ANYONE!  Our lives will continue, from now until we leave this earth, to be a mix of different, a mix of emotion, a mix of issues, a mix of people, places and things, and a mix of highs and lows.  And yes sometimes it stinks because our flesh craves the predictable, and the steady and situations that it can control and fix without anything else or anyone else.  But our flesh is our biggest enemy.  Our flesh wants to never ever have to lean on the Spirit for anything, which is why we have to live out the highs and lows.  Why we have to not walk in our flesh, but walk with the Spirit instead.  If we settle for steady we block out the only thing that saves us, the only thing that gives us life.  

God created us in His image, He sacrificed His Son so that we could commune with Him and He gave us His Spirit to guide us through the life we have been given.  So (totally talking to myself here) stop striving for steady and that elusive goal of normalcy, and strive to see all the peaks and all the valleys as nothing but amazing blessings of being alive, of being a child of God, and a disciple of Christ.  It will be hard because when sin entered our world, life became hard. Therefore, do not, I repeat do not, try to surf through those things on your own, but cling to the one who created you and created them, and holds fast to you throughout it all.  Because even if you don't understand it completely yet, you would much rather live a see saw life with Christ, than a steady life alone. 


Friday, August 15, 2014

phone pic friday

checking out the ants

I love our drive to school


superhero sons

The reason I was almost very late picking up the boys from school

Logan's naptime antics resulted in quite a few car naps instead

Big boy working on his first big school project

The first scrapbooking I've done in about two years

Bike riding fun

First real nap during nap time for the week happened on Friday!
My home for Friday evening on a my little retreat

Rocking, reading and writing