Sunday, November 22, 2015

forever will be

This morning at church was our annual Thanksgiving Day service.  Every year on the Sunday before Thanksgiving instead of having our traditional service we set up tables, sit with our church family, sing and share whatever is on your heart that you are thankful remembering that biblical thanksgiving is not based on our circumstances, the material possessions in our lives, or even the people as wonderful as they may be.  Thanksgiving is being grateful for the work of Christ in your life giving glory to God for what He has done, what He is doing and what He will do in our lives and through our lives.

Because the last few years God has redirected my life in many ways, I always want to share something.  Not because I am overflowing with huge amazing things happening, but because I am overflowing with grace upon grace in the midst of my sinful heart that is being renewed day by day.  To my own eyes, the most noticeable difference in me is the desire to share, to not keep anything inside, to be transparent whether with the good or the bad to hopefully encourage another and to maybe set an example, even if that example is what NOT to do!  I am learning (most times happily) to be the guinea pig of new situations so that others might can step forward without as much fear to the newness of change.  If you know anything about me you know that is proof of divine intervention and the sanctification process.  New and Change are not words usually associated with Sarah May!

As I attempted to share what I wanted to share I realized another reason, possibly the main reason, I love to write.  When writing (or typing in this case) crying does not mess up your train of thought or your voice or the color of your face.  No matter how hard I concentrate, use breathing tactics or prepare to speak in front of people about anything involving any kind of emotion, tears inevitably follow.  It is so insanely frustrating.  My pastor tends to love it because it conveys real feeling and emotion, but I on the other hand would love to convey a feeling, opinion, or experience without having to stop, shake, and cut myself short for fear that none of my words will be heard because everyone is just staring at the hot mess unfolding.  Sigh.  

So for my own heart, and hopefully at least encouragement for one, I am going to share (tear free!!) what God placed on my heart for this morning.  The words definitely did not come out this smoothly or entirely phrased this way.  Maybe in a perfect world but our world is far from perfect as am I.   Why it was this story over any other I don't know except to say that most times God speaks to your heart when you're being brat, not when you're being the best.

A few weeks ago I had a mini break down.  Nothing huge and important, just one of those normal I'm a girl and sometimes the only thing you can do is cry because its the most helpful tool at your disposal.  Sorry for any females that this offends, if you do not have those girlish moments I am most jealous of your ability to hold yourself together.  I was not given that skill and have given my children the same non ability!  I don't remember what exactly triggered the reaction.  My list of pressure points is long these days though compared to a year ago it's impressively short.  

I was sitting in my car in the driveway on the phone with Zach not ugly crying per say but with definite tears streaming.  Its in these moments that it is most helpful, when you are talking to someone who you trust and who loves you, to blurt out that one thing that you don't want to say out loud.  The thing I most wanted to say,  that I was most angry and frustrated about, was that literally NOTHING has been consistent in my life the last six years except for God, not my home, my family, my marriage, my children, my church, NOTHING!  Surely there are people in the world who have something else that is just there for them to lean on!?  

The worst part was that I wasn't content with just God.  I had blurted out the basic principal of the Gospel, the amazing grace given by an all knowing, all presence, all powerful Creator and Father who never leaves, is always there and fulfills every promise.  It wasn't enough for me that day.  That day I wanted tangible, I wanted something I could go to that was right in front of me, I wanted something that I should only be going to God for anyway.  

Praise Him that I only acted like a brat for a short period.  It didn't take much repeating of that phrase to myself, confessing to my Friday morning girls, and reminders of divine provision from Zach, for me to instead be saying nothing in life will ever be consistent except for God and the gift of His Son and Spirit.  Nothing will ever live up to who He is and what He does.  Nothing can fulfill for me the promises given.  Thank you that I don't have to count on another sinful being to be consistency for me.  Instead we can be inconsistent together while clinging to Hope together.  

We have lost a lot in the last few years but we have gained even more.  And while they can't and shouldn't have to carry the weight and perform the tasks of my Heavenly Father, I have had many beautifully, "inconsistent" people walking alongside me of which I am most undeserving.

So the next time you have the desire just to cry, let the tears fall, and the next time you don't want to say that terrible sentence that is at the tip of your tongue, say it out loud, then listen to the words and let them turn your heart towards God reminding you of who He is and what you are because you're His.  It's all Him.  Praise God.

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Friday, November 20, 2015

feasting with the boys

Three Thanksgiving Feasts in two days.  My belly is too full but my heart is perfectly content.

phone pic friday

I taught Micah and Connor how to play Monopoly.  I see many epic games in our future.

On a rare sunny day Connor, Logan, and I hung out at a church playground while Micah did piano lessons.  This was my chauffeur,  he's a cute one.

Logan celebrated the sunny day by skydiving off the helicopter.  Part of me was super scared he was actually going to dive!

There is a HUGE Camellia bush in our yard.  It has been blooming for weeks and has tons of buds left on it.  They are gorgeously pure white petals and have come into my home to sit on the counter several times.

Stephanie and I have been friends for 5+ years according to facebook but never had we ever taken a picture with just the two of us.  Technically her precious Addie crashed this photo but still a success!

One of my birthday gifts from Zach was the new Mitford book.  I've read the entire series countless times.  I love them!  The new one was no different.  Come Rain or Come Shine was such a welcome escape for a few days.

A bucket of crayons and a new coloring book brings joy (and quiet!)

Breaking in my cute Piranda shoes.  100% of the proceeds goes straight back to the Piranda ministry that Belief in Motion started.  Bringing love. hope. dignity.  to the gypsy women in Romania.

We are grateful.

4 year old check up

That resulted in a feverish boy with a belly ache.  Bless the Logi Bear's heart :(

Micah had a Greek Festival at school today to end his unit on Ancient Greece.  Such a studly philosopher.

After 8 hours on the couch, 4 movies, a 2 hour nap, a bottle of gatorade and a sleeve of 'sick crackers' this one's smile came back, even if his fever didn't go away.

pecan dreams

When one begins dreaming about their, well, dream home many things can make the list.  Pinterest boards are filled with open kitchens, granite countertops, perfect playrooms, wrap around porches, tubs you can sink into and showers with walls of gorgeous tile.  I've got gobs of the same things pinned and saved because a dream is a dream and as long as you don't become discontent when your home does not live up to your dreams it's just such fun to plan and wish.

On the top of my list were three things, very different from what seems to be becoming the norm.  I wanted an old unique home, not in a subdivision, with pecan trees.  I knew everything else I could do over time and have fun doing it but those three 'dreams' were downright impossible to create on my own.

When we pulled into the driveway for the first glimpse of our current home I might have been a bit speechless at what was before me.  This old 1950s home in a neighborhood without a name checked two criteria off the list.  Then with a slow glance and the knowledge gained from my own childhood home's trees I began counting and saw 7 pecan trees.  Tears commenced.

Fall is here and from those seven trees three have produced pecans.  No worries because I've been told by more than one, more than ten if truth be known, that they only produce every other year.  There are two five gallon buckets in my kitchen that keep getting more and more full as we go outside to play and grab a few more.  I even paid the boys to help pick and at a penny a pecan I've shelled out $11 and some change with the most going to Micah who definitely understands the value of a dollar.

I hope it doesn't seem odd to get so much joy from a nut that falls from a tree or to literally tear up when you break the first one open and it does indeed hold that brown funny shaped goodness.  Besides the complete miracle it is that a seed grew into a tree that has been around for decades and feeds you with its fruit, this specific one brings forth one of my favorite memories of the fall. 

 I can not think of pecans without thinking of my Granny.  That smiley, generous, loving, stubborn, country woman with her kool aid socks and sleeveless white blouse despite the temperature outside was in love with these trees as well.  And because her love of my little brother was greater than her love for anyone else on this earth, and she wasn't afraid to tell you often, he was always roped into spending an hour or so on Thanksgiving Day throwing his basketball as high as he could into our trees so the last few pecans on the branches would come pouring down and there she would go filling her grocery sack or bread bag or whatever else she happened to have to fill up.  

So as I stomp around my side yard with my slippers and my hoodie sweatshirt filling the pockets to overflowing I feel like I'm channeling my inner Mary Keel and I kind of love it!

Thursday, November 19, 2015

4 year old favorites

Logan's 4 year old birthday interview

favorite color- green and blue
favorite snack- ritz crackers and a brown poptart warmed up
favorite drink- water and milk in a little cup
favorite food- noni cheese
favorite show- Jake, Curious George
favorite movie- The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
favorite animal- cheetah and leopard and a lion
favorite toys- Star Wars people
favorite friends- Sammy and Mac 
What do you want to be when you grow up?  A Grown-up (this might be my favorite answer to this question ever!)
What are 4 things you want to do now that you are 4?  go to the zoo, ride a big bike, roller coaster, see Star Wars 7


My babiest of babes turned four on Sunday.  This is the first year he has really been invested in the concept that his birthday was coming up and as a big fan of celebrating birthdays it made me smile.  However, the more into it he is the less celebration I get because, lest you forget, this bundle entered the world on my own birthday thus stealing my thunder forever.  

The day was full of his favorites meaning food and Star Wars.  He started the day with waffles and a Star Wars balloon and then got to open his presents consisting of a Star Destroyer, action figures, Kylo Ren lightsaber, Finn blaster gun and a ship.  They all kept him occupied all morning before heading to church.  At church he was gifted a Bobo Fett costume which meant a trip to the bathroom to don said outfit that didn't come off until bedtime.   

We didn't have a traditional party for him this year because life has been a bit busy the last few months and low key sounded like a dream.  Since the majority of the children Logan would want to have at a party go to our community group, we treated everyone to pizza and cake after our meeting Sunday night.  An extra hour with some of our favorite people is never a hardship and everyone enjoyed the treats.  

I even got to remember it was my birthday for a bit when my sweet friend Dara Lynn surprised me with a delicious peanut butter chocolate chip cheese cake complete with my own candle and happy birthday serenade.

Our birthday evening ended with measuring Logan who has grown three inches since last birthday and is the exact same height as Connor on his 4th birthday.  Then per tradition we watched home videos of the birthday boy and belly laughed for half an hour at the logi bear's antics.  This boy is a bigger nut than I remembered!  Bless his crazy heart!

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