Tuesday, April 15, 2014

scattered

Scattered is the perfect word to explain me lately.  It can apply to my presence at home, my state of mind, my emotions, my spirit, my ability to do housework and the weather for that matter.  In any area of me, scattered is "where I'm at".  

Not all scattering is bad.  Being here and there at the ballfield, or running errands, or picking up boys from school is full of fun and togetherness.  Getting away with your husband for a week instead of being in your usual schedule is exciting.  

But when this homebody gets detached from her normal for too long scattered shifts towards a negative side causing exhaustion, a messy house, emotions that fly from one end of a spectrum to the other, and a loss of usual quiet times that open your spirit up to all manner of doubts, insecurities and attacks.  

As my mind and emotions race, I sit trying to be patient as I remember that this is just what I do until I reset back into familiarity and feel at ease once again.  I'm like the fussy infant who got off their sleep schedule and just can't seem to be content until that moment when it finally all clicks back.

Until then I can feel my heart and spirit constantly searching in it's banks for the truths it knows until it pours over them enough that the click does happen.  Until it can override the grumpiness, sleeplessness, doubt and just plain BLAHness.  Until my stubborn flesh can just give itself over and find rest in Him instead of searching for it in the things that can never supply.

Unfortunately this is a common things in me when change of any kind occurs. 

 Fortunately I have a savior who knows it and loves me anyway.


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