thoughts for now

*warning this post does not contain cute pictures of my children just instead personal thoughts ;)*

In the past few months (since late spring/early summer) I feel that God has been taking me through a journey of growth. The majority has been Him growing my desire to just know more, read more, pray more, study more, pay more attention, etc. I've read through James, all of Paul's letters, a couple of the gospels, spent a little time in the early Old Testament and am now in Psalms. Through this my knowledge of God, his attributes, character, history, and wisdom, is growing as well. Now I have to say though I've been a Christian since childhood this 'knowledge' thing is pretty new so I am still a far cry from being the wise woman I pray He'll make me.

One thing I have struggled with during this process, though, is my place and purpose in the Kingdom NOW. What should I be doing? What am I not doing? What am I doing? and How can I be doing any of it better? I have this want and desire to do A LOT and help everyone but kept getting discouraged when I would be forgetful about a person or event, feel like I was not being the mother, wife, sister, friend I needed to be, or was just feeling overwhelmed about the vast amount of things that NEED help and love.

My word of the year has been Contentment and the need to look at my life in being satisfied with where God has me. Yesterday I feel like He gave me a second piece to this puzzle. Goals (some synonyms being aspirations, desires, purpose, convictions, faith). Yes I need to be content with where I am because where I am has a purpose and I needed to think about goals of that purpose.

One of my husband (and my) favorite musicians is Andrew Peterson. In a show a few weeks ago he compared our lives that God written to the characters he writes about in his books (he is also an author). He mentioned that he has in his head how his character will look at the end of the story and as the author it is his job to take him through the events of live, both difficult and easy, that will make him who he is to be. Just like God knows who I will be at the end of my story and is taking me through chapters of life to turn me into who He knows I will be. WOW!

So I looked at where I was and who I was being called to be and set my eyes on that goal. In this season, or chapter, or however you phrase it, I want to be a devoted wife, mother, friend and follower of Jesus period! I want to support my husband in his endeavors knowing he'll support me in mine and I want to raise children who will have the knowledge to stay on the hard but true path while being a blessing to others. When I saw these goals in my head I almost instantly felt a peace in my heart. It narrowed my focus and helped me realize that I can't nor should be doing it all, but instead being obedient in doing whatever even if it's a small thing compared to others. Does this mean I will only pay attention to my family...absolutely not! Have these goals will just better direct me to the choice I need to make. It just means the areas I get involved in in my community, church, and life will be connected to my ability to fulfill these goals and I will pray earnestly for relationships to be formed with new people in this process and for others to see God's glory through me and my desire to follow His path for my 'Now.'

Some of you may be thinking well duh this is not new information. If so I'm glad it was easier for you to get, less headaches for you ;) If you at all have ever struggled with this I can only say Pray for God to direct your goals because I realize we all have different ones and no person can tell you if yours is right or wrong, that is between you and Him. Remember these do not have to be life long things, they can be chapter goals :). When you see and understand your now and you see and understand where He wants you to go filling in the blanks is not quite as daunting. However a warning to you, and mainly to myself, your head and His will do not always match up so don't be surprised if the route He takes you on is a little different than what you invisioned :)