cold sunshiny day

Two amazing things happened last week.  

The first was that even though it was EXTREMEMLY cold, every day this past week was beautiful and sunny which meant everyday this past week we bundled up and played outside.  

The second was that I took our actual camera, like not on a phone camera, and took actual pictures, and actually put them on the computer and edited them.  I can not remember the last time this happened which made me super sad.  Yes phones take excellent pictures now but I have fond memories of hauling the big camera everywhere we went to get pictures and videos of Micah and Connor when they were littler and I needed a little of that back in my life.

I said it on facebook and I'll say it again it is amazing what a HUGE different it makes in a mama's day when outside playtime is an option.  Yay for sunshine!

movie night

Friday nights have become family movie nights.  This past week it was Jumanji because it was in Connor's stocking.  We also had Smore's as a movie snack because they are my favorite.  So win for everyone!

Logan sat as close as physically possible to me because it was "scared."  After the movie Connor told us it was too scary and he wanted to sell it.  Micah thought it was scary and hilarious and loved it. The next day during rest time all three of them sat on our bed and watched it together again and thought it was the best thing ever.  Fickle creatures :)

big brothering

sunday song

1. Zach and I watched a stageit show (online home show for super cheap) this past week.  The show was four guys and three of those happen to be three of Zach's favorite singer/songwriters.  Obviously Andrew Peterson was one and the other two were Andrew Osenga and Eric Peters.  AP and his daughter sang a beautiful version of this song.  The only other time I've ever heard it was in a tv show, either Andy Griffith or Little House or something, and didn't exactly do anything for me.  But after hearing them sing it I looked up the words and fell in love with them.  

The whole song is about abiding in Him (my word!) and in the second verse the line that says "Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day leaning on the everlasting arms".  Yep that was a good one!

1. 
   
2. 
   
3. What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms;
   What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms.
   • Refrain:
     Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
     Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
4. Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms;
   Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms.
5. What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms?
   I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
   Leaning on the everlasting arms.

word of the year

Apparently choosing a word for the year is a very trendy blog thing to do.  Granted when I started doing it about 4 years ago it was because I read about it on one of the blogs I follow and just thought it was cool idea.  Obviously lots of other people did too and those people are people who have lots of followers hence the trend I guess.  So I guess since I definitely am not one of those people who has a lot of people just waiting until I share a daily post I will just embrace my trend following and share my word for 2014.

In October I was doing lots of reading/studying/journaling and at some point read through John 15.  While reading, one word kept jumping out at me until I finally looked up it's definition.  That day started a shift and a change in my heart in how I look at my relationship with Christ.  Honestly it's probably not new to most people but it was a lightbulb moment for me.  In small group Sunday another girl shared that she feels like her lightbulb moments are not really impressive as in not really anything earth shattering to most people and I assured her that she was not the only one who felt that.  This is a perfect example for that because I'm sure it's something you look at and say well yeah of course you're supposed to that.  But if it's not automatically there hopefully this will be some kind of encouragement.

When one looks at John 15 they probably automatically remember it as the vine and branches scripture which is a great word picture of it's own.   But one word is mentioned repeatedly and that word is 

Abide

There were two definitions when I looked it up that I really liked.

                                1.  accept or act in accordance with (a rule, decision, or recommendation)

synonyms:

comply with, obey, observe, follow, keep to, hold to, conform to,adhere to, stick to, stand by, act in accordance with, uphold, heed,accept, go along with, acknowledge, respect, defer to

There is not another person we should accept or act in accordance with above Christ.  Just look at that list of synonyms and imagine how much different your actions and decisions would be if those were the first things you thought about before anything!

2.  (of a feeling or a memory) continue without fading or being lost.

synonyms:

continue, remain, survive, last, persist, stay, live on

 

As for the second one, holy smokes.  My heart near about burst with joy at the thought.  When going through a period where nothing seemed as it was supposed to be.  When praying that I could rejoice, hope, love and be satisfied in the Lord alone but having no idea how to truly do it.  This brought it all together for me.  Christ will always continue without fading or being lost.  He will continue, remain, He survived, lasts, persists and stays.  He is all of those things that I want and need and all I have to do is stay with him.  To Abide in the shadow of His wings.

My exact thought when I read this the first time was "Talk about a word that feels like a warm blanket, cozy socks and roaring fire all in one!  To Abide in Christ, in his love, sacrifice, plan, purpose, perfection, his life.  I am so thankful for a Savior who asks me to abide in him totally and completely. To feel wanted and protected, guided and held fast."

So this year I am going to continue to pray to Abide in Him every day, in the everyday things, in the special things, in everything.

Shortly after I shared this initial thought with Zach he sent me a song which pretty much makes me cry now every time I hear it.

Abide With Me

1. Abide with me; falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers, fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, abide with me.

2. Thou on my head, in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious, and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close Lord, abide with me.

3. I need Thy presence, every passing hour.
What but Thy grace, can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, abide with me.

4. I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless
Ills have no weight, tears lose their bitterness
Where is thy sting death? Where grave thy victory?
I triumph still, abide with me.

5. Hold Thou Thy cross, before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies.
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, Lord, abide with me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5KsKsEu0v0

sunday song

I wanted to share this beautiful song today that has touched my heart again and again and I'm sure will continue to do so whether in times of valleys or mountains.

Psalm 46 - Jenny & Tyler - Faint Not - Copyright 2010 One Eyed Cat Music (BMI)

Music and Lyrics by Jennifer Somers (BMI) and Tyler Somers (BMI)

The LORD is my refuge and strength

Therefore I will not be afraid

Though the mountains give way

And fall into the sea

He will come and rescue me

The LORD comes to me at break of day

He reaches down to guide me in His ways

Though the oceans roar

In this dark and stormy sea

He will come and rescue me

Halleluyah, He is with me

Halleluyah, we cannot be moved

Halleluyah, He is with me

Halleluyah, I rest secure

Be still and know that He is God

He will be exalted over all

Come and behold His strength and majesty

Yet He will come and rescue me

Halleluyah, He is with me

Halleluyah, we cannot be moved

Halleluyah, He is with me

Halleluyah, I rest secure

God bless a new year!

Since I didn't make an itemized list for 2013 I can't share with you the specific things that I accomplished and the many that I didn't but for myself I wanted to list some good things that came from last year either places I went, things I learned, etc.  This is in no way an exhaustive list because my new/old I've had three babies brain just can't retain that much information.

In 2013...

*went on my first mission trip to Romania

*learned a little about what it meant to be a light in the darkness

*want to be better at living a life as a light of God

*met two new friends who I love hanging out with

*deepened relationships with some very special women who I love and appreciate more than ever

*learned what it meant to bear each other's burdens

*started to really enjoy working out and now have arm muscles 

*moved out of my little starter home 

*got cowboy boots :)

*saw Bebo in concert
*met Sara Groves

*had many moments of joy and needs of forgiveness as a Mama of my precious 3

*started singing (at home) with my husband in hopes that I'm one day confident enough to do it in public occasionally

*began truly seeing and defining my identity in Christ

*saw scripture come alive in my life in a way it never has.  Such a beautiful blessing!

*learned more so what it means to love unconditionally

Goals (for now) for 2014

Spiritual
               *  daily prayer time and journaling
                * devotion time with the boys/family
                *  read at least 6 spiritual growth books
               *   pray about and find a new ministry to work in with Zach
                *  make goals for Children’s Church and accomplish them

                *  at least one day of fasting

                *  set aside time for a spiritual retreat
                *  attend a women's conference of some kind
                *  1,000 gifts list
                *  start identity verses notebook
                *  focus on my word of the year "Abide"  and how that enables me to be a "Light"  in all darkness

Physical
                *  earlier bedtime
                *  eat healthier (more water, less Dr. P , sugar and carbs)
                *  continue boot camp and running
                *  be diligent with taking vitamins
               *  engage in physical activity/play with M, C and L outside

                * 1 race/challenge or more

Financial
                *  reevaluate family budget and stick to it
                *  patient with spending $$ on wants
                *  pay off  student loans
                *  organize paper work with a filing system
                *  

Professional/Home life
                * sell or continue renting little house
                * find a home to purchase
                * reevaluate then keep up cleaning schedule and weekly goals list
                * catch up scrapbooks
                * organize videos and pictures on computer
                * finish refurbishing the piano,  use spools to make a clock, table and ottoman
                *  try 3 new recipes per month
                *  read independently and discuss at least one book with Micah
                *  phonics and reading practice with Connor before K

                *  colors and shapes and begin letters with Logan
                *  limit time on facebook and other social media
                *  read at least 6 fun books

Relational/Friends and Family
                *  one special dates with Zach a month
                *  Sunday night at home dates

                *  alone time a month with M and C

                *  prayer about and research adoption options
                *  at least monthly hangout with friends out or at home
                *  be in tune enough to reach out to the needs of others small or large
                *  being open in my requests for prayer and in my asking of friends for their prayer needs as well
               *   plan a fun weekend getaway with 1) a group of girl friends 2)mother and sisters on each side

Some of these are from previous years that I'm either doing again or trying to finally get done

I obviously reserve the right to change this at any point

God will most definitely change this on His own without asking or informing me first

The New Year

by Eric Peters

This is the year that something changes but nothing ever does

This is the year that all my failures turn into a pile of dust

This is the year, with fallen faces, we learn we’re not enough

This is the year to hold each other up

Oh, oh, oh it’s a new year

Oh, oh, oh it’s a brand new light

Oh, oh, oh can you believe it?

It’s the skies that we dream of.

This is the year when laughter douses charred and burnt-out dreams

This is the year when wrens return to nest in storm-blown trees

Is this the year of relocation from boughs of old despair?

This is the year to perch on hope’s repair

Oh, oh, oh it’s a new year.

Oh, oh, oh it’s a brand new light.

Oh, oh, oh can you believe it?

It’s the skies that we dream of.

I was pale and weary sad, tired of ghost debates

A slave to voices old and vile, bitter bones in the grave

But this is the year, it’s the year that something changes

This is the year, the year that something changes

Oh, oh, oh it’s a new year.

Oh, oh, oh it’s a brand new light.

Oh, oh, oh can you believe it?

It’s the skies that we dream of.

ha ha to the old year

Last year I went against my type A OCD personality and purposely did not set any specific goals to check off which incidentally is one of my favorite things, you know the checking off part.  The reasons at the time were good ones and needed for the current state of my mind and heart.  Instead I stated that this was my goal...

In 2013 I want to explore and enjoy the life God has given me, all aspects of it both good and difficult, with a grateful heart and with praise and adoration to who gave it to me.  

So in life with my God, my husband, my children, my family and friends, my home, my body and my finances I just want to slow down and take the time to explore them all and enjoy who and what they are in my life.  As wonderful as it sounds I know it's going to be difficult, but I know regardless come this time next year I'll be able to see ways God has worked in my life regardless of the goals I have accomplished.

Read the red.  Talk about an instance where the Holy Spirit took over my typing fingers to foreshadow the future!

Again, as usual, God took a simple thought, prayer and assumption of the days ahead that I had and delivered in a way that I never in a million years would have anticipated.  He does that, pretty much every second of my life, He takes those things that I think I know I need and explains to me how in reality those needs are much much deeper or that they are not needs at all and then precedes to work on the ones I didn't  even know existed.  

That in a nutshell is my past year.  

My heavenly Father in all His wisdom and glory took me through the most difficult year I've had to date.  No contest.  The funny/absolutely amazing thing is though that already, even as I'm still in the wake of it all, looking back I am filled with joy and praise because I can see Him in all of it, preparing my heart, directing my steps, and holding me up.  How is it that the most difficult and challenging thing you have ever experienced is also, in retrospect, one of the best as well?  

Now to clarify I do not rejoice because of the bad stuff, excited when awful things happen and hoping that they continue.  That is most definitely NOT it.  Nor are they easy.  When any of us have difficult situations, there are tears, anger, mourning, frustration and a whole other host of emotions that can come.  But what I do rejoice in is the knowledge that none of that, no matter what it is, can undo me.  When my hope is in Christ, when my mind is stayed on Him, when He is my Rock, I am unshakable. I can not be undone.  In each tear, in each angry word, in each depressed state of mourning, there is a comfort that surpasses all else.  His cross keeps getting bigger and bigger in our lives, and we sit in the shadow of it loved and forgiven, able to love and forgive as well.  

God allowed a bomb to go off in the midst of my life so that He could completely rebuild it as He wanted.  As a result I have let go of things I didn't even know I was holding on to, and given in to the process of being made beautiful because He makes all things beautiful.

I was honestly nervous about reflecting back on here because I have not shared about the difficult thing it is that I went through (maybe one day).  I was also nervous about the emotions that might come up while writing.  Thankfully so far that doesn't seem to be the case, instead there is just that continued comfort, praise be to God.  

This year I am going to go back to my old ways of goal making.  I'm going to make my itemized list categorized in different areas because I am a girl who likes lists and I have a brain that likes to see an end goal so I know better what steps to take.  My brain likes organization.  It's how God made me and who am I to argue with Him.  But as all of us who say we are His should, I am going to strive to put my list second to anything He sets in my path, knowing that God's way is always better, no matter how the road may look.

The Old Year

by Eric Peters

There’s so much to be thankful for

And so much to be forgotten

There’s no perfect secret

To the things that bring us joy

Ha ha! to the old year

Goodbye to the cold fear

Gonna cry when I need it, smile when I need it

Goodbye, denial

The mind is a wanderer

It slips off into a false world

Never stopping for a minute

To take a good look around

Ha ha! to the old year

Goodbye to the cold fear

Gonna cry when I need it, smile when I need it

I’m gonna live like a living soul

Gonna write it on my wretched bones

And stop waiting for happily ever after

Ha ha! to the old year

Goodbye to the cold, cold fear

Gonna cry when I need it

Ha ha! to the old year

Wave goodbye to the cold fear

Gonna cry when I need it, smile when I need it, laugh when I need it

Goodbye, denial, goodbye