ha ha to the old year

Last year I went against my type A OCD personality and purposely did not set any specific goals to check off which incidentally is one of my favorite things, you know the checking off part.  The reasons at the time were good ones and needed for the current state of my mind and heart.  Instead I stated that this was my goal...

In 2013 I want to explore and enjoy the life God has given me, all aspects of it both good and difficult, with a grateful heart and with praise and adoration to who gave it to me.  

So in life with my God, my husband, my children, my family and friends, my home, my body and my finances I just want to slow down and take the time to explore them all and enjoy who and what they are in my life.  As wonderful as it sounds I know it's going to be difficult, but I know regardless come this time next year I'll be able to see ways God has worked in my life regardless of the goals I have accomplished.

Read the red.  Talk about an instance where the Holy Spirit took over my typing fingers to foreshadow the future!

Again, as usual, God took a simple thought, prayer and assumption of the days ahead that I had and delivered in a way that I never in a million years would have anticipated.  He does that, pretty much every second of my life, He takes those things that I think I know I need and explains to me how in reality those needs are much much deeper or that they are not needs at all and then precedes to work on the ones I didn't  even know existed.  

That in a nutshell is my past year.  

My heavenly Father in all His wisdom and glory took me through the most difficult year I've had to date.  No contest.  The funny/absolutely amazing thing is though that already, even as I'm still in the wake of it all, looking back I am filled with joy and praise because I can see Him in all of it, preparing my heart, directing my steps, and holding me up.  How is it that the most difficult and challenging thing you have ever experienced is also, in retrospect, one of the best as well?  

Now to clarify I do not rejoice because of the bad stuff, excited when awful things happen and hoping that they continue.  That is most definitely NOT it.  Nor are they easy.  When any of us have difficult situations, there are tears, anger, mourning, frustration and a whole other host of emotions that can come.  But what I do rejoice in is the knowledge that none of that, no matter what it is, can undo me.  When my hope is in Christ, when my mind is stayed on Him, when He is my Rock, I am unshakable. I can not be undone.  In each tear, in each angry word, in each depressed state of mourning, there is a comfort that surpasses all else.  His cross keeps getting bigger and bigger in our lives, and we sit in the shadow of it loved and forgiven, able to love and forgive as well.  

God allowed a bomb to go off in the midst of my life so that He could completely rebuild it as He wanted.  As a result I have let go of things I didn't even know I was holding on to, and given in to the process of being made beautiful because He makes all things beautiful.

I was honestly nervous about reflecting back on here because I have not shared about the difficult thing it is that I went through (maybe one day).  I was also nervous about the emotions that might come up while writing.  Thankfully so far that doesn't seem to be the case, instead there is just that continued comfort, praise be to God.  

This year I am going to go back to my old ways of goal making.  I'm going to make my itemized list categorized in different areas because I am a girl who likes lists and I have a brain that likes to see an end goal so I know better what steps to take.  My brain likes organization.  It's how God made me and who am I to argue with Him.  But as all of us who say we are His should, I am going to strive to put my list second to anything He sets in my path, knowing that God's way is always better, no matter how the road may look.

The Old Year

by Eric Peters

There’s so much to be thankful for

And so much to be forgotten

There’s no perfect secret

To the things that bring us joy

Ha ha! to the old year

Goodbye to the cold fear

Gonna cry when I need it, smile when I need it

Goodbye, denial

The mind is a wanderer

It slips off into a false world

Never stopping for a minute

To take a good look around

Ha ha! to the old year

Goodbye to the cold fear

Gonna cry when I need it, smile when I need it

I’m gonna live like a living soul

Gonna write it on my wretched bones

And stop waiting for happily ever after

Ha ha! to the old year

Goodbye to the cold, cold fear

Gonna cry when I need it

Ha ha! to the old year

Wave goodbye to the cold fear

Gonna cry when I need it, smile when I need it, laugh when I need it

Goodbye, denial, goodbye