word for 2016

I'm easing into my new year goals, plans and resolutions this year which for me is a considerable task and an intentional change of pace.  I'm a big fan of following along different blogs and instagram feeds for both entertainment and inspiration and it never fails that on January 1st almost all of the writers, decorators and what not are full force into the next thing.  Lists are being shared, houses are already being decluttered, diets have begun, redecorating and undecorating, and planning overwhelm all my feeds.  Looking back to past years I am learning that as much as I love seeing the different things these inspire-rs are cooking up, literally and figuratively, part of me always begins to feel a little defeated because I have not yet begun such in my life and then I either stress to catch up to the rest or I quit before I've even begun.

For the past several years I have chosen a word to focus my goals and plans around.  A word that does not mark something I am good at but something God is most definitely asking me to improve on whether accomplishing takes the calendar year, a few years or the rest of my time on this earth (which I hope is considerable).  It was no surprise to me that the word He has guided me towards for 2016 is WAIT.  

 God is preparing big things, He always is of course, but we can feel the suspense of new paths coming soon and knowing my tendency to either try and do ALL the things or the ostrich impersonation I have been know to take on when ALL the things are in fact not doable, I am being asked to wait.  I am fully confident this is not an answer of 'not yet' but instead a command to trust Him as He is working knowing that the times when life look stagnant is when plans are being lived out until the day of fruition comes.  

However, wait does not have to mean sitting in my seat, thumbs twiddling, until my name is called.  Says Mr. Oswald Chambers, "To wait upon God IS NOT to wait with folded hands and do nothing, but to wait as men who wait for the harvest.  The farmer does not wait idly but with intense activity; he keeps industriously "at it" until the harvest.  To wait upon God is the perfection of activity.  We are told to 'rest in the Lord,' not to rust."    

One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 1:13 which says, "Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."  My mind is being prepared, so that my actions will follow and in the end my Hope, no matter what does or does not take place, is revealed in Christ.

To help with this process I have searched for different ways I can wait.  To wait means to be patient, to focus, to prepare, to slow down, to enjoy; making the most of life as it is right now, to think through and not be rash.  For me this means not diligently posting my resolutions on January 1st because that is the thing to do.  It means walking downstairs to grab the vacuum instead of rushing to get the task checked off.  It means listening to my son's last few sentences without cutting him off no matter how much I want the nightly bedtime routine to be finished.  It means pondering before responding, saying let me think before saying yes I will, and listening fully to my sweet boys' requests instead of just saying no.  It means slowly and intentionally going through verses calling us to wait and seeing what God does in that time.

 So I wait and prepare with these words fueling my goals, my plans, my resolutions, my thoughts, and my actions.  Waiting, with purpose.

sunday song

Hungry

hungry I come to You
for I know You satisfy
I am empty
but I know Your love does not run dry
and I wait
and I wait
so I wait for You
so I wait for You

chorus
I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

broken I run to You
for Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life
so I'll wait for You
so I'll wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for
Oh, I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

and I wait for you
and I wait for you
and I wait for you
and I wait

I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for
Oh, I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

hungry I come to you,
for I know You satisfy

THE game!

GAME DAY!!! It had been a long wait since the SEC Championship game, but finally it was THE day that all Auburn fans have been waiting for for 50+ years. We started out the day with breakfast and talked to Wes Byrum's family who happened to be staying in our hotel. Little did we know at the time that in a few hours he would be hitting a game winning field goal!

Around 10:30 we left the hotel, stopped by one of the stores in Old Town Scottsdale to pick up my trip ornament and a surprise for the boys, and headed to Glendale. The tickets we had purchased came with tickets to the pregame tailgate party. We got to Glendale early and used our parking pass which let us park right next to the stadium. Usually at an Auburn game you park miles away so this was a real treat! There was nothing else to do except wait in line for the tailgate party to open, but we ended up being some of the first in which ended up having it's perks. Most everyone else stood in line to show their IDs but we started walking around and happened to run into David Pollack. Now a few years ago he would have been the enemy (he played for UGA) but now he's a sports radio/tv announcer so he's ok. The boys talked with him for a bit and got a picture and I just listened and hoped I wasn't staring too much. He's pretty cute!

We did a few other fun fan things like taking a picture with the Coach's trophy (the big crystal football), playing the throwing challenge, football plinko, and watching ESPN U's pregame stuff which included one of my favorite past tigers Jason Campbell! After some free lunch, cheering on ESPN's pregame show and seeing Cadillac Williams we headed over to Tiger Walk. Unfortunately, due to security issues, the players and coaches weren't allowed to get off the buses but there were still thousands of fans their to cheer them on!






We wanted to make the most of our game day viewing so we headed over to the stadium immediately so we could see it all! We had pretty great seats in the corner of the endzone, which just happened to be the endzone where our defense had a great goal stand and Wes kicked our game winning field goal. I cried twice in the game which I know sounds ridiculous. In pregame, without any warning for us emotional ones, the bowl committee reunited (as a surprise) a few families with their soldiers from overseas. SERIOUS TEARS! I also teared up when we won. I mean when you've been an Auburn fan your whole life no matter if they're good or bad and you come and watch a team who has so much unity work together to accomplish this amazing sports thing you get a little teary eyed! I screamed louder and cheered harder than I have in a while and I loved every minute of it. It is absolutely, positively GREAT TO BE AN AUBURN TIGER!!

*fun fact. The shirts in the next picture are the only shirts Zach and I wore on game days this year. Never before had we ever had specific game day shirts. We bought them new before the season on a trip through Auburn and after we kept winning, we kept wearing. Zach actually never even washed his. After every game he folded in neatly and put it back in his tshirt drawer to wait patiently until the next week.

WAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR EAGLE HEY!!!

12 months = 1 year

A year.  A whole year.  If it's possible this was the slowest and quickest year of my life though I'm sure I thought and said that during the first year of each of our sons' lives.  It's been a year since Logan Zachary May was born into our family and made me a mama for the 3rd time.

In the last month Logan has...

*taken his first steps
*started sleeping through the night!!!
*mimics sounds after you and will attempt a word after you say it but doesn't have many clear words
*says uh uh, muh for milk
*grunts and points to get your attention to what he would like
*gotten two more teeth so there are 6 in all now
*can climb the ladder to the top of the fort by himself.  It nearly gave me a heart attack the first time because I didnt know he could and I just looked over and there he was on the third rung!
*had his first sick visit at the doctor and ended up on antibiotics, a steroid and an inhaler for his double ear infection and chest cold

Logan Zachary May I love you with all my heart.  You are a precious, cuddly, smiley, brave and adventurous boy.  Not one second has gone by since the moment I saw you that I was not head over heels in love with you and grateful that God saw fit to give me three boys to help guide into amazing men of God.

It has been a challenge and an unbelievable joy learning how to be present for three children this past year so that you and each of your older brothers feel love and attention.  It is a lesson I am sure I will continually be learning and am beyond grateful blessed for the opportunity.

I can't wait to see what the next year of your life holds and can't wait to watch you learn to walk, run, and communicate.  I can't wait to see what activities you begin to love and how you will set yourself apart from your brothers as well as how you will join them in the activities you have had to sit on the sidelines for so far. You were created for a special purpose that no one else in this world can fulfill and even at one year old you can be totally sure that God has known it before time began and will be faithful to complete it in you!


Happy Birthday my Logi Bear!

]

colorado day 1: plane, boulder and the flat irons

We woke up at 3:30 a.m., double checked all of our stuff and headed to the airport. After a long wait in check in, a longer wait in security, a desperation run through concourse D to our gate minutes before they were about to close the doors, and a 2 1/2 hour flight we landed in Denver at 7:28 Mountain time :)

We picked up our rental car and headed straight into Boulder. It was absolutely amazing how far you could see in front of you. Denver is absolutely flat with very few trees to block the view so all you can see are mountains in the distance that just get larger and larger as you drive towards them. We started our day at the farmer's market held every wednesday and saturday. This was actually my first ever farmer's market and I loved it. Piles of flowers, fruit, vegetables, homemade goodies were everywhere. There was one booth of all freshly made breads with the biggest croissants I have ever seen. Both our mouths were watering!

Next we walked down Pearle Street Mall and caught a street performance. I was highly entertained by this guy though he made me so nervous I kept hiding my eyes! We noticed a few others but honestly this guy was the best of the lot.

The whole time we were walking I would catch a glimpse of a GIGANTIC ROCK just past my right shoulder. It didn't take long before we couldn't stand it anymore and we HAD to go check out the Rockies first hand! So after lunch since we still had two hours before we could check into our hotel we drove up to Chautaqua Park where the Flatirons are located. We decided to go ahead a do a little hiking which turned into a 5 mile 'moderate' hike past the flatirons and up to the royal arches which gave you an awesome view of boulder.

After our hike we were exhausted so we drove to our hotel, checked in and collapsed in bed. Somehow we dragged ourselves up long enough to eat dinner, buy contact solution and make it back to our bed and asleep by 8 that night. It had been a L.O.N.G day!

sprinkles, sprinkles, everywhere

Yay for Christmas cookies! It's my families turn for Christmas this year and I can't wait because I know there will be tins of cookies lined up on the counters and one of them better be filled with chocolate covered peanut butter cracker sandwiches!!!!

Two years ago (pre-Micah) I did major holiday baking because that was the gift we gave out. I have given up the major holiday baking until my children are somewhat older. Taking care of Micah is tiring enough without busting out all the ingredients, scaring him half to death with the mixer and then cleaning all the mess up! I'll just wait until they all can help with it.

However I did want to do something so I made some sugar cookies and Micah (and I) decorated them. He was so darn cute with all those sprinkles. At first he was a little cautious, but by the end he was shaking those sprinkle jars like crazy. He also loved to veto the colors himself. He'd be staring at them all and say green....no, pink....no, orange.....orange and shake the orange everywhere then he repeated the process with other colors. I haven't eaten any because I tried just a little of the icing and it was so sweet my pregnant self got sick, but they sure look cute!

Cautious sprinkling

Crazy Sprinkling

clearly, fuzzy future

There's another place on the interwebs where I write thoughts, share my heart, and lift my eyes and words to my Creator.  While technically public, it's a very private space that though I've mentioned before doesn't get shared openly on a regular basis, more like once months and months ago in a moment of sheer uncharacteristic bravery.

To put yourself out there, laid bare, in front of the world (or in truth a minute group of friendly readers made up of friends and family and the occasional Googler) is a daunting, beautiful, but daunting, necessary, but daunting, encouraging, but daunting thing.  To share my deepest struggles and my most beloved learned (the hard way) lessons is both my wildest dream yet my biggest fear.  The first fear being what makes me think I have anything to offer when many have suffered grief much larger and more often than mine, with many other fears following, but that's a different post for another time.

I know somewhere in the distant, or maybe not so distant future, God is calling me to walk alongside and encourage others in their own difficult journeys.  To show them where the only true Hope comes from and how to see it no matter the struggle and no matter how many times giving up seems like the better answer.  No matter how many times you fail, repent, and start again.  And I'm quite experienced at the fail, repent, repeat part.

I have no clue in what venue this will take place.  If it will be a paid profession or just a constant part of my life no matter what I'm actually paid to do.  All I know is that I feel a calling on my heart to give away what I've been given and that this last remaining year of my current stay at home mommy job will include preparing for this somewhat clear but quite fuzzy future.

This desire has only intensified in my heart and mind these last few weeks as friends and family are on their knees in prayer seeking comfort in their questioning.  My heart longs to speak into the doubt, to remind that He draws us closer to Him often using times of uncertainty and times of downright difficult so that we know from where our help comes from.  So that we clearly see the only boasting we can do is for Him remembering that even our best is filthy rags and its not by our might or power but by His Spirit that things are done.  And if I'm honest, I need to preach these words to myself just as much, if not more.

Recently I shared about mentally following worst case scenario roads to the end because without fail you'll always find your Heavenly Father there because He never fails even if things on earth do.  This is a much needed exercise for all of us, in all worst case fears, so that we are reminded that the things on earth are temporary but He is eternal (2 Cor. 4:18). 

However, just because in my imagination I let my biggest fears play out, the tangible, life living circumstances have not yet reached those same conclusions.  Maybe they will, and if they do I will cling to the Hope of my Father not only waiting for me at the end but walking me through it all.  But more than likely, life will not live out the way I can conjure up in my mind.  What I have imagined, is not what will be.  Our intellect and creativity, however extraordinary, fine tuned, and exercised, can never compare to the vastness of the One who created it all from nothing with nothing but His words.

On the other side it also does not give me the excuse to sit idly and wait as if I am unuseful, untalented lump or give me an excuse to kick back to my often practiced ostrich skills of sticking my head in the sand and waiting until all the hard stuff blows over.  What it means is I pray that I'm following the will of the Lord and while I wait, I work, trusting that it will not be in vain. 

Just this evening in the car as I finished up my kindred spirit's* (though we've never met and she has no clue who I am) most recent book, it spoke directly to this feeling by saying biblical rest is "to be able to sit down on the inside even as my hands are fast at work".

Following that mental road to the end and then living the true reality in fullness is about one thing, gaining the peace that comes from abiding in Christ.  Then it allows you to work with no fear of the future, but only joy that you are being used in small ways for a bigger story.

Good news indeed to this weary, fearful, doubtful soul.  Praying, repenting and trying again, again.

*Simply Tuesday by Emily P. Freeman

5 years

Zach and my 5 year anniversary was this past Friday. Wow! 5 years...crazy! I wish I could say we had the most romantic day together, but sadly that was just not a possibility this year. Getting away is virtually impossible when you have a 4 week old!! However, Zach did 'work from home' so we at least got to see each other. On top of the whole having a newborn thing, his grandmother and her husband were coming in town to meet Connor, I had errands I HAD to do and Zach had to play in a wedding yesterday so he had the rehearsal Friday night. Whew!

We had a nice breakfast together, croissants with Nutella. YUMMY!!! It's as close to a pain au chocolat as I will get until we go back to France. We also exchanged presents first thing in the morning. I knew what I was getting because I'd been asking for it for a long time. I have a pearl ring of my grandmother's but it was dirty, too big and missing a diamond. Zach had it polished, sized and the two diamonds exchanged for slightly bigger ones. The ladies at the jewelry store tried to talk him into putting a carat on each side but it didn't work...dang it ;) Even though it wasn't a surprise I was excited to finally have it done! Zach on the other hand was very surprised with his gift. I, with the help of a few people from Enterprise, Birmingham and Nashville, gave Zach a copy of the sheet music for Canaan Bound that had been autographed by Andrew Peterson. I was kind of disappointed that Andrew only signed his name and didn't personalize it, especially considering the LOOONNNNGGGGGG note I mailed with it about it being our anniversary and that he met Zach twice in Conyers and so on but I am just going to assume his manager didn't tell him about the note :) It was still really cool however and will look awesome in the music room of our new house (if we ever get one) when it's framed all purty!

That night Micah once again went to hang out with the Moons. (I can't wait until baby Moon is born so we can start the long process of paying them back for babysitting!!) Zach, Connor and I headed to Madison, GA for the wedding rehearsal and then went to our own private dinner at The Chop House instead of going to the rehearsal dinner. There were definitely fancier restaurants in Madison but we weren't sure how thrilled the other diners would be if we were to walk in with an infant!

While it wasn't the most romantic anniversary ever it still was a milestone. 5 years and counting and I can't wait to see what the years to come hold!

moving

Four years and three months ago we put our house on the market.  I was pregnant with Connor and we were looking forward to being able to move somewhere that was a little roomier so that guests could have a babyless place to sleep and we could have friends over without either waking up the children since they were only ten feet away from the living room or feeling claustrophic when trying to figure out where everyone should sit.

Fast forward two years and nine months and we took the house off the market because I was about to have Logan and couldn't handle the job of keeping the house ready and leaving with three kids at a moments notice if someone actually wanted to come see the house.  Not to mention the distress of a housing crash that placed our homes "worth" so far below what we paid that our entire savings would have been drained just to get out.

It is 19 months since that decision and thus began our "what are we going to do" mode, but now I am looking around at my half packed up house savoring in the memories of the past 8+ years of being here and knowing that, as usual, all my worrying and frustrations were frivolous because God is, as usual, right on time with what He decided and planned for.

Zach went through months and months where he checked rentals and even for sale homes daily to find something that would fit our needs and desires.  There was usually two things wrong.  The first was that the rental was really expensive as people who bought in the bubble were trying to cover their insane mortgages or the house and deal were great and were snapped up by someone else before we even had a chance for someone to return our phone calls.  We were totally convinced we had found a great rental home and had already started moving in our heads when a few hours later we found out that someone else had already beaten us to it....again.  At least when God shut a door he shut it quickly ;)  

But then on Connor's birthday Z got a phone call that started the domino effect and in a matter of four days we had friends who were going to rent our house and a great rental property that will be the perfect transitional home until we can decide where exactly to put down rootier roots, sell and buy.  

Looking at the situation as a whole it reminds me of the passage in Acts that Dave based his sermon on last week.  Paul, Silas and Timothy were trying to preach in different areas of Asia but the Holy Spirit kept stopping it and they didn't understand until Paul had his vision of spreading the gospel in Macedonia.  You just never know where you're being led sometimes until you get there and what God is planning not only for you but people you will one day be in community with until it happens.

So as far as we know and have planned, for at least the next year we will be residing at 70 Westover Place in Covington, Georgia and then pray, hope that we will be able to sell our home and purchase a new one hopefully still here as our church grows or maybe somewhere else if God makes me do it.  

All I do know is when you wait on the Lord you learn a vast amount about patience, contentment and your own selfish weaknesses and when you see His hand you hopefully begin to say...

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord,
    I wait for God my Savior;
    my God will hear me.

Micah 7:7

best Braves game ever!!

Zach won four tickets to any Braves game available from a work raffle.  We took Micah and Connor to see Braves vs. Mets game last Saturday.  It was H.O.T but we had an awesome time.  Seriously the best game experience ever! 

We watched batting practice and Matt Diaz through the boys a ball!!  Our seats were AMAZING and so close to the field so the boys could see all their favorite players like McCann, Prado, Heyward, and Chipper.    The tickets included $40.00 in food and passes in to the 755 club so we ate in air conditioning while watching the Mets hit.  We got in free at the Braves Museum.  To help beat the heat we left our seats in the 5th and went up top so the boys could run the bases.  Zach got picked to answer a question on the jumbotron and ended up winning us a two night stay in Chattanooga plus 4 tickets to the aquarium!!!  

Zach and I had a great time hanging out with Micah and Connor!  Logan stayed with some wonderful friends of ours Brandon and Hannah and was spoiled rotten so don't feel bad for him ;)  Can't wait to see another game soon!