what i'm thinking

It's 11 am and I am sitting under my cute red umbrella on my patio watching three crazy children 'mowing' the grass and listening to the monitor waiting for the other one to join the group. It's been a busy last few weeks with connor's birthday, andrew's wedding, kayden's dedication, younglife's end of the year party, plus normal daily living. My brain always seems full but today that fullness is swishing around and trying to get sorted out, thought through, or just plain rejected. Zach and I were talking a few weeks ago about how many different facets of our life are...hmmm what's a good word...unsteady (maybe), unsecure (is that even a word), how about just not cruising along like you'd want. I've gotten way too little sleep the past few days which makes my brain run even more and today I have decided to just list it all...everything that's running around in there...well atleast everything I won't forget in the moment.

I'm thinking...

*there are 100 things I could do to this house to make it cuter and more enjoyable to look at.

*there are 100 reasons why I think doing those 100 things doesn't make sense because there are 100 more reasons why I'd just love a new place.

*i love my church and am having a tough time not knowing where it's future will be because of lack of $$$$

*i resisted being involved in younglife for 4 years of living in conyers and not that i am on the committee and loving it to say it's struggling financially is a big fat understatement.

*my kids are really cute, sweet, smart and loving. i pray i can parent them gracefully, teaching them how to grow up to be awesome people in the kingdom.

*dirt is annoying. the lack of dirt is ANNOYING'er.

*i kill all plants. well almost all plants my potted gerber daisy are actually doing pretty darn well.

*many of my friends are dealing with issues I can't imagine ever dealing with and besides praying I have no clue what to do for them but I want to do something.

*LOST is ending on Sunday. The first time Zach and I watched this show was in our apartment in the first few months we'd been married.

*i'm sleepy.

*i miss my women's group. i forget how nice it was to have that time out of the house and time with other girls/women.

*couponing is great and definitely saves me money but sometimes i'd like to throw it all in the lake. especially when i forget to cut them out when i get them and then spend way too long having to catch up.

*i love grocery shopping (i know kind of contradictory to the last thought) and i love cooking and look forward to the day i can spend a little more time thinking about it.

*being a SAHM is awesome and i don't have to leave my house every morning for work.

OK so I know just reading this sounds like a lot of complaining but I promise its not. It's what my brain is thinking and what it's trying to sort out and do something about. I've been reading my bible a lot more lately (sadly way more than I ever have in the 20+ years I've been a Christian) and a verse recently made me smile (and apparently think).

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:13

It's not wise to act without thinking first so maybe that's what is going on. Maybe God is forcing my brain to sort through all these random thoughts to prepare me to act.